"The first "humorous" song on "Keep In The Sunlight." For a while now, garden gnomes have been creeping out the general populace. Have you ever given thought as to why? This song might give you the answers you're looking for...if it's not too late."

1. Facade

I’d like to thank the two of you for coming to see my show.

It means much more to me than you could ever know.

Someday I’ll be famous, I’ll be setting all the trends.

But until that time comes, I’ll have to settle with my friends.

 

When they hear my guitar, everyone winces up in pain.

You ask me never, ever, ever, to play that crap again.

But I know that you’re just helping me in striving to be good.

I take constructive criticism to heart just like I should.

 

CHORUS

Cause in my head I’m Hendrix, Page, Clapton, and B. B. King

But you hear Florence Foster Jenkins when I open up and sing

But really I’m a singing, dancing, playing triple-threat

And all my shows are empty because I’ve not been noticed yet

 

So in the meantime, I’ll exude my blood and sweat and tears

As my skill gets duller with the passing of the years

You all are pleased to meet me, the pleasure’s mine, you bet

Now here’s a guitar solo to now open up the set

 

[Guitar solo and other such nonsense]

 

Once again, I’m Brian Freeman, musical extraordinaire

Always putting up that front like I don’t even care

Cause really I’m the greatest that the world has ever seen

The guys who come on next will turn a brilliant shade of green

 

CHORUS

2. Forever With You

"This is the song I wrote about a very special lady in my life. Nice romantic feel while stilling having a "rock ballad love song" vibe to it. Plus, I dig the chords I used in the chorus!"

You're smiling at me.

I’m not looking at you, but I can just tell from the way the room gets a bit brighter

You don’t need to see

my visage to know how I’m smiling right back and my soul feels 1,000 times lighter

 

BRIDGE

How can two people put two hearts together and fall hard in love just as quickly as we did those days?

 

You could call it love, divine intervention, you don’t need to speak I know all your intentions

There must be something quite pure here and free of invention

 

CHORUS

You, memories of you, cascade through my mind and fill me with yearning

You, by being with you, the definition of love is one that I’m learning with you.

Forever with you.

Forever with you.

 

I’ve not felt alive

til’ you came in my life with your song and your smile and your touch sent me higher than soaring.

 

When together, we thrive.

And I promise to love you for all of my days and to make those days all far from boring

 

BRIDGE


CHORUS

 

I have never met anyone so full of life and of love

I question whether you’re human or angel above

Nothing else matters when I look in your eyes and you smile your smile.

No one is surprised when I’m singing this song to proclaim all of this love inside

For you

 

CHORUS

3. Home

"When my wife and I were trying for a baby, we suffered what was called a "missed miscarriage" where the fetus is not alive, yet the body still thinks it is pregnant. This was a VERY hard time for my wife and I, so I wanted to write a song that 1) talks about miscarriage in a society where the topic is verboten and 2) encapsulates how we can move on from tragedy."

Wind gently catches your unbound hair

as the moon ripples the surface of the deep.

My memories return to this one place where

we tried to put our problems to sleep

 

And I can’t even fathom all the futures you’d become

All cut short, as I view the screen.

I look for gentle flutter, but am greeted with none

And tears drop down on the scene

 

And I lash out in anger at the cards we’re dealt.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this.

Words just can’t encapsulate how we both felt.

Memories too hard to reminisce

 

So with “Je me souviens” we gave up our plans

And pointed the compass towards now

Dealing with grief others silently understand

We’ll take control of this bow and we’ll point it home

Grief would have crumpled a lesser two

But we knew we had to move on

Life slowly took on a brighter hue

And lines in the sand were redrawn

 

Once more, in the office, I look at the screen

I see the flutter and I kiss the queen

And I can’t fathom all the futures you’ll become

As I stare into the eyes of my son

 

So with “Je me souviens” we renewed our plans

And pointed the compass towards now.

I can’t help but smile when he reaches for my hands.

We took control of this bow and pointed it home.

 

So with “Je me souviens” we move on with our plan

And point the compass towards what will be.

We’ll see our son grow up to be a man

and he’ll take control of this bow and point it home.

4. Bring On The Nights

Wind gently catches your unbound hair

as the moon ripples the surface of the deep.

My memories return to this one place where

we tried to put our problems to sleep

 

And I can’t even fathom all the futures you’d become

All cut short, as I view the screen.

I look for gentle flutter, but am greeted with none

And tears drop down on the scene

 

And I lash out in anger at the cards we’re dealt.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this.

Words just can’t encapsulate how we both felt.

Memories too hard to reminisce

 

So with “Je me souviens” we gave up our plans

And pointed the compass towards now

Dealing with grief others silently understand

We’ll take control of this bow and we’ll point it home

Grief would have crumpled a lesser two

But we knew we had to move on

Life slowly took on a brighter hue

And lines in the sand were redrawn

 

Once more, in the office, I look at the screen

I see the flutter and I kiss the queen

And I can’t fathom all the futures you’ll become

As I stare into the eyes of my son

 

So with “Je me souviens” we renewed our plans

And pointed the compass towards now.

I can’t help but smile when he reaches for my hands.

We took control of this bow and pointed it home.

 

So with “Je me souviens” we move on with our plan

And point the compass towards what will be.

We’ll see our son grow up to be a man

and he’ll take control of this bow and point it home.

"The second segment of what I call "The Tryptch", this song is dedicated to my son, Alexander Freeman. After going through the missed miscarriage, my son is my world, and I hope this song really conveys how awesome I think he is (though I might be biased)."

Baby, there's something about you

and I just can't say what.

You're like a dream come down from Heaven

and I don't want to wake up.

Every time I hold you, 

or your fingers hold my hand.

I know I am the luckiest

throughout all the land

BRIDGE

And I know I've got some work left

to be the proper dad for you.

But work is not a proper word for anything related to you.

CHORUS

Bring on the nights

when I hold you close and the stars above illuminate your bed

Bring on the days

when I hold you close and find I'm irrevocably lost inside the magic of your smile

No matter what I do

I'm so in love with you

I'm irrevocably lost inside the magic of your smile.

Even though I'm a teacher

and I studied English hard.

It pales in comparison when I think about who you are.

Every day I spend with you

is my brand-new favorite day

Yet I can't begin to ascertain what it is I have to say

BRIDGE

CHORUS

I love you more than words can accurately measure

Every day I spend with you is another day I treasure.

So please excuse the words used when authoring this song.

Words can't do you justice.

Words can't do this justice.

Words just can't define your inner fire.

CHORUS

5. Errant

"The final song within "The Tryptch", I confess that being a parent is the opposite of easy, yet I wouldn't give this up for any other job. I'm a big fan of "Hamilton: An American Musical",  so this is my love letter to hip hop and being a parent."

Uh. Yeah. The Notorious D.A.D., feeling D.E.A.D.

 

Today, I fell asleep in my cereal, everything’s surreal

I’m exhausted and I just can’t deal

Alexander woke me up at three am, same routine again

My son’s in training to replace the famous Big Ben

 

Then it’s six, but my brain denies it, no surprise, it

feels like I’m am heading towards an early demise

All I hear are flies, cuz this deal stinks like bull

Brain power is null, there is no Dana only Zuul

 

But then I see the look in my son’s eyes

His smiles beguile the trials of caffeinated denials

And I would do this all over again

because my boy is my joy,

the little goy decked in corduroy

 

HOOK

It’s hard out there for a parent, but it’s apparent

We love it though our minds are errant

 

Rolling up to daycare with my posse

My thoughts are dancing like Bob Fosse

suckerpunched the Soup Nazi

BAM, Emeril Lagasse, my kid’s being bossy

Telling me “No” while my eyes are glossy, compression is lossy

 

That last bar was pretty poor

but it’s a metaphor

for how I never ever can think straight anymore

This baby brain’s insane, I look like I’m in disdain

I’m tired like I hitchhiked all the way to Brisbane

 

But then I see the look in my son’s eyes

His smiles beguiles the trials of caffeinated denials

And I would do this all over again

because my boy is my joy,

the little goy decked in corduroy

 

HOOK

It’s hard out there for a parent, but it’s apparent

We love it though our minds are errant

 

Alexander’s almost two years old now

It’s almost funny how

this gets a little bit easier with a little know-how

Wow, he’s growing up so fast, hope these memories will last

the past catching up with me like Mass Dash

I want him to grow up strong, but not quick

Slow it down like grandpa’s old beat-up Buick

Alex, baby, Mommy and Daddy love you, we’re proud too

even though you make us wanna reach for the corkscrew

Stay true, believe in yourself every day

And now we’ll play the hook cuz I’ve run out of things to say.

6. Gnomes

"I wanted a good song with which I could open an album and live shows. I think this is a good showcase for my musical talent as well as my tongue-in-cheek lyrics. I don't think I'm THAT bad, but I liked the idea of a band where the songs are "so-so", but the band thinks they are bigger than the Beatles."

Don't think I can't see you there.

That idiotic grin, face devoid of sin.

How could I not stop and stare?

I swear I saw you move but I've no evidence to prove it.

I know there's more of you.

I know what you're hiding

That sinister look in your eyes

I know what you're deriving

CHORUS

A secret army full of garden gnomes are ready to attack!

Switch to DEFCON 1

Fire up the fallout shelter

Duck and cover, it's too late to run

They're armed with more than guns.

They used to make fun of me.

Said I'd have no chance, I'm not worthy of a glance.

Now, they wish they stopped to see.

That short-statured stare does not belong to Fred Astaire

CHORUS

THE BATTLE

CHORUS

7. A Depressing Song

"It seems like everyone, myself included, turns to listening to depressing music whenever they're sad or in an extended funk. I question the logic of doing such my delivering a depressing song that will likely make you feel worse about yourself."

CHORUS

This is just another one of those depressing songs.

The ones you hear on the radio everyday.

You ask for a wake-up call and all you get are gongs.

So listen to what I have to say:

Your girlfriend left you for a fish.

You broke your Mother's china dish.

You got your test back, scored an F

Was that your Dad on Iron Chef?

Your brother just trashed all your files

Your sister thinks you have no style.

Your tryout failed, you got no part.

And women think you have no heart.

CHORUS

Your parents hate you, always will

Can't pay the next electric bill

Got a degree in basket-weaving

Your friends all look like Hugo Weaving

You fail in everything you do

So why'd you try out something new?

Your place is smaller than a hearse

Your whole existence is a curse.

CHORUS

There, now don't you feel better?

8. Would We All Be Happier?

"Would we even need depressing songs if we were all Smurfs?"

Funny, blue, and not too tall

The population of women is small

They're lead by Papa and they don't commit no crimes.

Happy faces, stocking feet.

To be in their number would be sweet

In other words, you could say they're uber neat.

CHORUS

And I wonder would we all be happier if we were all Smurfs?

I wonder would we all be happier if we were all Smurfs?

I wonder would we all be happier if we were all Smurfs?

I wonder would we all be happier if we were all Smurfs?

Getting chased by Gargamel

puts us through cerulean Hell

And that darn cat of his is pretty ugly, too.

Vocab defunct

Don't know words.

They say "SMURF!" instead of verbs

And yet they live like there's nothing wrong at all.

CHORUS

CHORUS

9. Live Life To The Fullest

"I wrote this song in high school in honor of my 10th grade English teacher who hated cliches. A bit hyperbolic, but I dig it."

I was chatting with Thoreau

asking him which way to go

he spoke to me with existentialist learning

He said the forest could, and would, end all my yearning

And so I went into a secluded cove.

I took a look around and "Oh my, by Jove!"

Nothing happened, much to my dismay.

Then Thoreau spoke of a mindless cliche:

CHORUS

No matter what you think.

No matter what thou doest,

always remember to live life to the fullest.

You don't have to be first, or the best, or the coolest

Just as long as you live life to the fullest.

I was disappointed, to say the least

Is it my mind or soul that must be diseased?

I called that bearded man and asked for his assistance

He praised me saying he admired my persistence.

But what I really needed to do.

Was stage a bank job, just one or two

And we'd have enough to move down to Rio

I packed my bags and guns, I'm ready to go!

CHORUS

And now I run away

I knew I shouldn't have done that

But although it's a mindless cliche

It's always been a feather in my...

CHORUS

I read the papers one day in Rio

When I espied a face that I thought I know

It turns out that bearded man, that wise schmoe

Was just a guy who only looked like Thoreau

I laughed and laughed and I leapt to my feet

For while I was beating a hasty retreat

I left Thoreau back there to take all the heat

Now I know victory while he knows defeat, because

CHORUS

10. Everyone's Entitled 

"I have a tongue-in-cheek saying I use with my friends: 'You're entitled to your opinion even if it's wrong.' It seems like a golden opportunity to songify one of my expressions."

Climate change is a myth

Opinions always forthwith

You haven’t noticed that I just stopped listening

 

You sure the Earth is flat?

Well, I don’t know ‘bout that

Exactly who’s help are you enlisting?

 

I understand that everybody’s trying to find their truth

But our reality is just as clear as soup

So please excuse me for the lyrics to the song

I know that everyone’s entitled to their opinion even if it’s wrong.

 

Everyone’s entitled to their opinion even if it’s wrong

 

So there’s a hollowed Earth

You tell me, filled with mirth

And that our president’s an alien lizard?

 

I nod my head, say, “I see.”

Wonder what’s wrong with me

I never saw it before you must be a wizard

 

I understand that everybody’s trying to see what’s right

But I’m too tired to put up a decent fight

So please excuse me for the lyrics to the song

I know that everyone’s entitled to their opinion even if it’s wrong.

 

Everyone’s entitled to their opinion even if it’s wrong

 

The flouride in my water’s killing all my sons and daughters

GMOs aren’t gluten-free and that should mean a lot to me

The moon landing was faked, knave

I know cuz in space, flag’s don’t wave

MKULTRA CIA survives, persists, even today

Aliens in grey sweatsuits and probing livestock for a hoot

Please don’t turn a reddened hue, it’s on the Net, it must be true!

 

I understand that everybody’s trying to find their truth

But our reality is just as clear as soup

So please excuse me for the lyrics to the song

I know that everyone’s entitled to their opinion even if it’s wrong.

 

I understand that everybody’s trying to see what’s right

But I’m too tired to put up a decent fight

So please excuse me for the lyrics to the song

I know that everyone’s entitled to their opinion even if it’s wrong.

 

Everyone’s entitled to their opinion even if it’s wrong

 11. I'm Fine

"Growing up, I had a fairly turbulent upbringing which, I believe, had an impact on my mental health. This song encapsulates a lot of the emotion I was feeling when I was growing up."

I've never grown too attached to places.

I never really felt the need

Because, every time, it’s just a bunch of new faces

To get used to every time I leave

 

And I’m wondering now, how my future could change

If I had any say in how my childhood was arranged

I’m wondering if now, a new life will begin

If I can ever get to where I was when it’s about to begin

 

CHORUS

You’d have no clue ‘less you’d been in my shoes

Caught in a slide and with everything to lose

You have no clue to what ills me today

Can’t we discuss this an alternate way?

I guess I’m fine

 

I guess it’s hard for me to make connections

And harder still to express myself

My life’s just a constant improvisation

There’s a pile of dust on my shelf

 

And I know I’m a guy filled with rational thought

But how things might have gone differently if my opinion’s sought?

And I know it’s not fair to blame this solely on you

But how much of me is nature and how much is what I’ve gone through?

 

CHORUS

 

Yet here I am, 32, a wife, a kid, a growing brood

I’ve got a job, a career, a clear direction I can steer

Maybe  all of my hardship growing up

Were they tempering events that allowed me to develop?

 

And I know I’m a guy filled with rational thought

But how things might have gone differently if my opinion’s sought?

And I know it’s not fair to blame this solely on you

But how much of me is nature and how much is what I’ve gone through?

 

CHORUS

 

I’ll admit it, I’m fine

Hey, thanks for scrolling this far and reading all these words I wrote. That's very kind of you to do.

© 2017 by Brian Freeman.